The pandemic has taken the world by storm and has particularly impacted the wedding industry. Large, luxury, or lavish weddings are changing shape overnight from how we knew them. If you’re dealing with rescheduling or trying to trim down your guest list to follow government guidelines, know that you aren’t alone! Couples getting married in 2021—and potentially 2022—will face a list of new challenges that others have never had to deal with before. Navigating these changes can feel overwhelming and advice on how to change up your wedding has been limited—until now.
First, start with revisiting your guest list. Trimming your guest list down can already be a headache (ack!) when wedding planning. Now, more couples are choosing to throw micro/intimate weddings with their closest friends and family. If you decide to go this route, the next question is: how do you determine who will be invited to celebrate with you on your special day?
Give the Option to Attend Virtually
Virtual weddings are becoming increasingly popular because of COVID. The first one I heard about was of an old acquaintance of mine from university who had a wedding near the beginning of the pandemic. They had some guests in person sit in their cars to watch the ceremony, and then they livestreamed to the rest of their friends and family!
Not only will everyone be able to feel like they are a part of the ceremony, but also this option is really important if you have senior or immunocompromised guests on your list. If you hire(d) a wedding planner, we will likely have opinions about which video platform you should use for live streaming (I prefer Zoom, Google Hangout, or Facebook live). You can make your virtual guests feel included by allowing them to request a song or make a speech during the reception if they are near and dear to you and your spouse.
Plan a Bigger Celebration for a Later Date
The idea of not having certain friends and family at your wedding can be heart-breaking. If you’re still looking to tie the knot now in an elopement or a mini wedding, consider hosting a wedding reception party in the future. We’re personally going this route so we can maximize the fun later!
Consider Which Guests are Vital
Which guests can you not imagine your wedding day without? Those guests are vital to you. These are likely the people you first told you were engaged or the first ones you would share any life news with! Scribble their names down, then message them to see if they are available for the day that you’re planning to get married. This will help you determine if you have availability to invite other guests!
Some good questions to ask to help you trim down your guests:
- Can you imagine getting married without this person’s presence? ( if no, include them!)
- How often do you see this person?
- Has this person really been there for you throughout your life?
- Do you feel competition with this person? Are they going to judge you? (if yes, probably don’t include them)
- When is the last time you saw each other or had a call?
- Do you feel comfortable sharing your most intimate feelings and vows in front of that person?
- Do you feel pressured to invite that person? Is a family member pushing you to invite that person? (this is YOUR wedding, don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do!)
Keep Vulnerable Guests Safe
Keeping your loved ones safe should be your number one priority! The idea of not inviting your grandparents or other seniors in your life may feel like tough love. However, the elderly especially are at high risk with the coronavirus.
If you have vulnerable guests on your non-negotiable list, think about how you can incorporate extra safety precautions to keep them safe. Whether it’s hand sanitizer at every table, utilizing outdoor space, or passing out masks, the guests will greatly appreciate the effort.
If you are worried about the risks, keep in mind that many vulnerable guests may be happy to avoid being in that position. Consider having them virtually attend! If virtual attendance doesn’t feel like enough, you can send them a small gift, visit them in your wedding attire later on, or have them write a letter to be read on your special day.
International Guests
There’s no need to immediately uninvite your family from another country, but consider the risks they are taking with international travel. Many countries are currently not allowing international travel. If guests are able to travel, there’s a good chance they will have to quarantine when they arrive and when they get back home.
The future is uncertain, but it’s likely going to be a while before travel resumes the way it once did. Letting any international guests know that you don’t expect them to attend might be quite a relief for them and lift any pressure they may be feeling to navigate the situation.
COVID-19 Invitation Wording
A really great resource for invitation wording can be found on Cody Calligraphy’s website! It’s Cody’s list of top wedding stationery recommendations that’ll help you keep some peace of mind during this process.
Politely Uninviting Once You’ve Already Sent Invites
There are definitely a few ways that you can gently let guests know that your plans have changed. Everyone knows the situation and should be understanding if you are honest and straightforward!
As soon as you know that you will be trimming your guest list you should communicate the decision. Be upfront and let them know their safety is your priority.
Where possible, opt for phone calls rather than sending out a mass email. If you can’t feasibly speak to each person by phone, send personalized letters, cards, or emails. Explain that while it is unfortunate, you are looking forward to celebrating your wedding with them at a later date.
Use A Wedding Guest Template to Track Your Guest List Changes
I recommend using a wedding guest template to track the number of guests with their mailing addresses, email addresses, and whether or not they will be attending. This allows you to visualize numbers when they’ve RSVP’d, and quickly provide an accurate guest count. You can also make notes to track any gifts and whether or not a thank you card has been sent out!
Communicate Postponements, Too
If you are postponing rather than canceling, send out ‘change the date’ cards as soon as possible. This gives your guests time to prepare for any travel changes and allows them to make plans sooner rather than later. They’re especially important if you decide to change not only the date but the venue as well!
Benefits of Trimming Your Wedding Guest List
I know, trimming your guest list is less than ideal. In fact, it’s pretty crappy! Although you might be sad about what your wedding was supposed to be, going mini does have its upsides! Micro weddings can still be extravagant. Use the money you save on guests to upgrade an area of your wedding experience. Whether you’ve been eyeing a photographer out of your budget or wanting to have a better food option, you can choose to put the money you’re saving back into your micro wedding.
With a smaller guest list, you are also given more quality time with each guest. Big weddings can be super fun but it can be hard to take the time to talk to each guest or get photos with them. Everyone will feel safer and more relaxed so that they can spend the day celebrating rather than worrying about getting sick.
While turning folks away from your wedding day will never be fun, it may be necessary in these trying times. Hopefully these tips give you the confidence to make those tough decisions, just a little easier.
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